Co-Regulation by MereAnn Reid

This is from a colleague I wanted to introduce you to!

She is a play therapist and parent coach committed to the practices of regulation, seeking awe, and exploring how they feed each other. She hosts workshops for parents and teachers ALL about the neuroscience of behavior and how attention to regulation carries us much further than a focus on rewards and consequences.

If you’re curious about flowing with the ups and downs instead of fighting them, come join us and learn more about her work with parents here.​ (click here)

This is her blog:

Let's talk about all we're carrying.

I imagine you're as full as I am. And trying to carry more.

I don't mean the weight of the world. Although, yes, that too. Oof and a half.

What if we made a commitment to consciously track what it takes to steady ourselves? Not letting our fear or distraction drive the bus. Not counting on our phone to hold and be everything we think we need.

What if we packed for regulation, instead of emergencies? And honored our mammal body's needs. Like we did for our kids when they were little.

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What supports you out in the world? What are your essentials?

Maybe your bag has workout gear or delicious lotion. Maybe you carry a pipecleaner bracelet your kid made you. Scratchy polyester fuzz and all.

Or maybe you're always losing your keys and phone. No shade. We're jugglers. Our attention is divided. And distracted. BUT...What would you pack if you focused on comfort and support? How do we teach our kids to notice what they need?

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Here are my essentials...

SOOTHING :: Keeping my hands busy helps match and harness my ADHD hum. I always have a knitting project-in progress and a pen for doodling. I need options for texture, rhythm, and repetitive motion. I carry a sweet, chewy snack, just in case. These soothe me. Sometimes I share.

ALERTING :: I'm not on social media, notifications are turned off, and my phone is always on silent. No haptics. They jangle me. I carry energy boosters that connect me to my senses: peppermint lip balm, lemon cuticle butter, ice cold water. Sensory input can help up-shift or down-shift energy on purpose. Our senses guide our attention.

DISTRACTING :: Between my current book (paper, tactile, fiction) and ear buds, I have a path for tuning out when I need to. Turning down the volume of our busy world can buffer constant input and be deeply soothing. Daydreaming does this, too.

NATURE :: Whether I'm walking for some regulating movement, or sitting in the park for a 20-min retreat, it's essential to my day that I get outside. Even if it's strolling two blocks to the library for a change of venue, fresh air and bi-lateral motion (left/right, crossing the midline) offer a reset.

The buzz of open loops (never all done, tracking things other people need) and my To-Do List (also never done) can keep me scanning. And, yes, it absolutely hijacks my attention sometimes!

But I'm tuned in. I notice my inner cues.

I know when my nervous system needs support. I know what anchors and settles me. I'm learning to make these more portable and internal.

Our kids are often running at a rolling simmer—especially smart, creative, big energy, or anxious ones—and aren't even aware their baseline is not calm or settled. That they're fidgeting or hungry. That they have to pee.

Not calm is not a problem. We all have different resting states.

But kids who don't know how to check in with their body also don't know how to switch gears. Putting the brakes on impulsivity, taking a pause when frustrated, and transitions of any kind are likely be hard for them.

We don't need to pour all our energy into shifting their behavior.

Our work is to teach them how to track and tend to themselves.

Across different settings. In hard moments. When they don't know what's next. When they're navigating something new.

That's emotional intelligence. They need us to model the regulation it requires. Often, they need to borrow ours...while theirs is still growing.

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Here's the thing:

I don't need to pack like a survivalist every time I leave the house.

Ultimately, it's entirely possible that all the tools we need to anchor and ride the waves of daily stress can be internalized.

But it takes TONS of practice. It's a lifelong skill.

And I'm having to teach myself all about this as an adult. Because no one knew to teach me as a kid.

You can give your kids a head start.

Reach out here:

​https://www.familyzest.com/contact