Change Talk

I have been thinking a lot about change lately.  For me change happens moment to moment.  I don’t look at therapy as a means to one end.  Some moments I find life to be overwhelming.  The next moment I feel so deeply happy.  I rest in knowing that what is unfolding is what I have wanted all along.  When this is not your experience how to you keep moving?  During these ups and downs can we change?  I think we can.  I find change, growth and development  to be deeply rooted in how we relate to the moment.  In my twenties I don’t think I even heard the voice that said, “do more”, “be more”, “work harder” and most harshly “you are not enough!”.  OUCH!  I think we have all done this to ourselves at some point.  So for me personally, the change came through encouraging that voice in a different direction.  First, I had to slow down and listen, I still use this practice daily.  Recently someone posed a question to ask our clients and ourselves: "What would you say to your younger self?"  My answer, “I love you”. 

Changing the inner monologue has to do with our outer choices too.  How do I allow and encourage self care and personal development to happen?  The answer is (at least for me) it’s a process.  I know, at times, I am tired of hearing about process and I want results.  However, the nature of change is continually unfolding.  We therapists have to walk the walk and I have some insights to share.  #1 we must try harder be kind to ourselves.  When we shame, blame, and condemn ourselves for not doing enough let’s face it, that is likely not going to get us motivated.  Of course you could say, "actually it does motivate me Bridget!"  If this is you, continue on that path (and write me with examples).  I do think there are exceptions but I have not found this to be  true for me.  I have found allowing our mistakes to land in front of us, see them for what they are (simply mistakes) and walking on by is a humbling growing up experience.  Development happens in lurches and fits.  I have seen this for some number of years in children and since they are after all human beings I have come to believe that it keeps on going on that way for adults too.  Development / change / growth can happen quickly and slowly it’s the process of allowing change that is the most powerful part.  I welcome your feedback @