Pacific Healing and Creating Calm

Swimming in the Pacific: Finding Passion in Midlife

The Pacific Ocean has risen to the status of passion for me. This interest began about eleven (updating this blog in 2025) years ago. It took me considerable effort to return to a regular workout routine "post-baby." Our child might have been 6 by then, but who's counting? Reconnecting to the long-ago athlete I knew lived somewhere deep inside me was quite a journey.

I've never written about being an active, athletic person in this blog before. I'm not trying to be your personal trainer—I'm a counselor/therapist and soon-to-be certified Person-Centered Expressive Arts Facilitator. But I do believe deeply in the mind-body connection, and all the ideas I share here support this personal truth: when we tap into both our minds and bodies, we heal what has troubled us and work toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.

The Power of Expressive Arts and Physical Challenge

I recently completed my fourth week of intensive training toward a certificate in Person-Centered Expressive Arts, and I feel more empowered than ever to share this aspect of how I stay motivated in life. A few weeks before heading back to this training, I swam through the San Francisco Bay—under the Golden Gate Bridge, to be exact.

I've come to realize that finding a passion in "mid-life" is vital to mental health and well-being. If you're familiar with Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, you'll know that those of us on the other side of forty are in the midst of his 7th stage: generativity versus stagnation.

Let's not stagnate!

I love this stage deeply because it's very existential. One of my primary orientations in working with clients is humanistic existentialism. I find my passion for life in many places, and weekly exercise is certainly one of them. Can you relate? I'd love to hear your story too!

Finding Your Motivation

Do you need a goal or event to keep you motivated? Or perhaps an "accountability partner"? I have clients who make working out a regular part of life by involving friends or even their children.

I imagine that for you, like for me at times, it hasn't been an easy road to ignite passion for life (including exercise). It can feel like an uphill battle. Research clearly shows that exercise is intrinsically related to mental health (Source). If we know this is true, then why do so many of us struggle to stick with an exercise regimen?

For me personally, it comes back to passion. I have a passion for water, a passion for being active, and a renewed passion for art!

My Connection to Water

I was immersed in water from six weeks of age. Water is part of who I am. When surrounded by it, I feel at home. Whether it's chlorine in a pool or salt in the ocean, water calms me.

You can let so much go when you're at the beach! Even just dipping your toes in our cold Pacific Ocean might be healing for you. The warm air and cool water of the Pacific free me from my worries.

My recent adventure swimming under the Golden Gate Bridge brought twinges of anxiety. I met new people and had to ask for support—someone to have that towel ready! I trained alone because I haven't found many people who want to join me (weird, right?). Still, I reach out to those who work out regularly and find support there.

Your Next Adventure

I'm not suggesting you need to swim under the Golden Gate Bridge, but what is your next adventure? What are your physical health goals? How about your mental health goals?

Create your own experiment: note how you feel now, then see how you feel after four weeks of moderate exercise four to five times per week. It doesn't take as much time or effort as you might think, especially if you have some background in committed exercise or activity. Even parking at the back of the grocery store parking lot counts!

If you have no history of working out, call me for an appointment. We can discuss your goals around fitness and mental health together.

Resources for Inspiration:

• https://www.sarahempowers.com

• Kim Chambers' inspiring story, kimswims.com

• https://www.ponysweataerobics.com

Neuroscience talk by Francine Lapides, LMFT

Working Implicitly in Psychotherapy: Neuroscience Insights from Francine Lapides

On November 13th, 2015, SCV-CAMFT (a group of Bay Area therapists) gathered for a wonderful lunch and an exceptionally thoughtful presentation by Francine Lapides, LMFT. If you're just learning about Ms. Lapides, as I was in November, I highly recommend seeking out training with her—or perhaps therapy if you're in the Santa Cruz area. She has an upcoming training group in the new year focused on psychoneurology, designed to help therapists deeply explore how understanding the brain can enhance therapeutic practice. I am updating this blog in 2025.

One might call Francine our local Dan Siegel. She has studied with him for years and has been part of Allan Schore's Berkeley study group. A licensed MFT since 1974, she's a decades-long member of SCV-CAMFT and maintains a private practice in San Jose and Santa Cruz, California.

The Neuroscience of Early Development

In her presentation, "Working Implicitly in Psychotherapy: What Decades of Neuroscience Study Has Taught Me About Being a Psychotherapist," Ms. Lapides began by reminding us that infants are primarily right-brained, with this right brain development continuing through the first two to three years of life. Attachment templates are stored in the right brain—a critical insight that leads to an important takeaway: to heal trauma, we must address both unconscious and conscious areas of the brain.

As therapists, we witness firsthand how early traumas shape a person. Some traumas foster resiliency while others leave us more rigid. Francine guided us through fundamental neuroscience concepts during the first portion of her talk. This segment served as our "infancy" in neuroscience (for those without prior knowledge), and even for those familiar with the subject, her presentation offered an excellent review.

She shared Winnicott's profound quote: "There is no such thing as a baby... if you set out to describe a baby, you will find you are describing a baby and someone" (Winnicott, 1947). This highlights how the relationship heals because we are inherently relational beings. We can help our clients make meaning of early trauma, and this healing—rooted in the physiology of neuroscience—is more effective when approached from the bottom up (from body to head).

The limbic system and attachment theory dominated her discussion. As stated in Mrs. Lapides' slides: "Early life experiences create potent affective 'knowing' in implicit, non-verbal, unconscious memory which underlie and have a profound influence on personality, dominate mood, symptoms and relationships throughout life."

Experiential Learning in Action

As we transitioned to the second section of the talk, Mrs. Lapides invited someone to come to the front of the room and summarize what they had just learned about neuroscience. The room fell silent. We all sat as though glued to our seats. She allowed the perfect amount of silence to unfold before joking that she was merely getting our heart rates up so we could feel our prefrontal cortex at work.

As many therapists know, the prefrontal cortex helps regulate emotion. Francine's "experiment" was perfectly orchestrated as a process experiential learning exercise. We had absorbed the basics of neuroscience, were asked to present it publicly, and then—upon discovering we didn't actually have to—experienced the process of re-regulation.

This mirrors the therapeutic process where, week after week, we invite our clients to talk, draw, or move through their trauma. They might initially decline, but as the relationship and trust grows, we can begin to help them heal. This ability to manage activation helps clients access their unconscious beliefs.

Implicit Relational Schemas

There are, as Francine shared, "implicit relational schemas" or unconscious beliefs that all of us hold. For example, we may unconsciously believe that, "If I try to perform and fail, people will think less of me." These are precisely the thoughts and feelings we aim to address in therapy.

The question of how this can be done while integrating neuroscience will be explored in the intensive study group Francine will offer. She'll address clinical skills including: "trusting your intuition, somatic transference, intimacy and self-disclosure, rupture and repair," and much more. I wish I lived closer to Santa Cruz! This group will undoubtedly be valuable.

Right-Brain Approaches to Therapy

Francine noted, "While the overwhelming bias in western psychotherapy has been a top-down, primarily left-brain model of conscious and verbal attempts at change, neuroscience is increasingly confirming that we must work in this right-brain, unconscious, body-based arena as well."

When discussing the "bottom-up" approach to working with clients, she mentioned poetry because of its right-brain connection. She highlighted prosody—"the patterns of rhythm and sound used in poetry" according to Webster's online dictionary. Using poetry or other right-brain activities with our clients can help them access and heal their trauma.

I found the interventions Francine offered at the end of her talk particularly helpful. Instead of asking left-brained questions, we can shift statements to create more of a right-brain experience:

• Instead of: "Your father's anger was uncontrolled and made you feel unsafe"
  Try: "When your father exploded in rage, you felt terrified and small."

• Instead of: "It will be important for you to know I'm here"
  Try: "Can you look at me, can you feel me here with you?"

If you attended the luncheon, you heard Francine's calm, seasoned voice. It was healing in a room of almost 100 colleagues. I hope you get a sense of her approach from this description.

For more information: www.francinelapides.com

And in case you are not familiar, this is Dan’s website:

https://drdansiegel.com/

Three Talks

I am excited to offer you these three talks via the links below.  I love speaking on positive discipline, parenting and how therapy can support this process.  I hope this will give you a sense of what I can offer.  There are many experiential exercises I lead that will support your parenting!  I can come speak at your work place, play group or church.  Please reach out and hear about the exciting new groups I will offer in the new year!  Please reach out with questions and comments at bridget@bridgetbertrand.com 

Managing BIG  emotions the power point

Managing BIG emotions handout

Discipline 101 the power point

Discipline 101 the handout

Mindful Parenting the power point

Mindful Parenting the handout

and last but not least "the mistaken goal chart" a great parenting tool!

Parenting

It’s amazing how much parenting is talked about, written about, and stressed over.  My understanding in the last eight years of parenting (since the birth of our daughter) and the twenty before (working with kids as a teacher) has undergone many shifts.  I hope some of these insights might help you come to terms with your parenting and maybe make a shift that could benefit your family.  When we take this time to understand our parenting and why we do what we do I think we get a chance to more deeply understand ourselves.  Happy exploring!

Many of us just had Monday off.  Labor Day was first celebrated on September 5th, 1882.   The Fair Labor Standards Act came much later in 1938.  This act assures that when young people work that the work is safe (dol.gov).  It was less than a century ago the main job of a parent was to keep the arms of their children from being caught in machinery (as if they could even control that, since they were not with their child at the time).  Our worries over  “helicopter parenting,” feeding our children only organic food, and making sure they are able to get into the “right” college beginning in preschool are a far cry from the worries of parents 100 years ago in the U.S.  Of course, there are still children in our world that are not safe, yet on a whole the trend is toward letting children have their childhood.

The psychologists that created the foundation of Positive Discipline (Dreikurs and Adler) worked around the turn of the century and understood the plight families faced.  If we delve into the difference between sending a kid to a factory and sending a kid to school, we see our parenting approaches have to make huge shifts.  I used to wrestle more with these shifts.  When we parent from a democratic and positive stance it’s not always pretty.  Why can’t I get my child to “behave”?  Why does she tantrum in public?  Why does he talk back at home?  Why can’t I control this kid?  I think to myself "I would have never acted like this".  Why?  In part because my parents came out of depression era families, in part because I lived in a authoritarian culture. 

This shift is a slow one and I think our generation has a real opportunity to make a change.  While there are so many ways to redirect these unwanted behaviors, more and more I think it’s positive that we let children have their emotions.  Let go of the control and let them be.  This does not mean we let the limits go.  There are rules and we must show and teach children how to be a part of society.  As our world has evolved so has our focus with how to guide children though childhood.   Of course there are different ways of parenting and your house is just that, your house, yet I see this shift toward a more positive and disciplined approach to be just that...positive! 

How does this related to what you do right now?  First, if you are already on the path toward a more democratic form of parenting and you are feeling under supported in your peer group you are not alone.  I find this all the time.  In our house we aim not punish or reward.  We deal with misbehavior and treat it as and “misguided behavior”.  We look at the belief behind the behavior.  See my linked resource of the “Mistaken Goal Chart”.  My husband had gotten increasingly good at this, which at times can frustrate me, as a most devoted advocate of positive discipline.  Sometimes, when our daughter misbehaves, I do want to hurt back because I feel hurt, yet that is not the most skillful adult choice.

So what do we do? #1 we have a weekly family meeting.  We have been doing this on and off for four years and I can say it’s made a huge difference.  See more guidelines at this link.  #2 we talk a LOT:  What happened today?  What were the highs and the lows?  Oh, you seem quite upset right now maybe we all need to have some time to relax.  #3 we try not over schedule (for the most part).  We respect that our kid needs a lot of down time “just” to do Legos.  I am very inspired by blog posts and parents who also walk this path like Rachel Macy Stafford, Dr. Laura Markhman and  Glennon Doyle Melton.  In short I reach out for help on the Internet or with my friends.  If you want to deepen your parenting goals reach out.  If you have a question for me reach out.  Or if you are so inclined to pass this blog along to a friend I would appreciate your support.  And lastly something to say to our selves from Rachel Macy Stafford: 

“Be kind to yourself.  You are doing the best you can”.