Acceptance

Some memories from 2019 (!) that still ring true today:

My big adventure this year has been traveling back to New York City and visiting Georgia—a beautiful mirror of the different regions where I've lived my life (north/south). I hope you're finding some time for your own adventures this summer too!

Finding My Path Forward

Lately, I've been contemplating how to grow my business and truly embody this full-time private practice life. Writing has been on my mind quite a bit. There's a part of me that has always wished I could be a writer—you know, "a room of one's own" and all that.

Perhaps it was listening to Elizabeth Gilbert and seeing her speak earlier this year. She's so remarkably composed and well-spoken, AND she writes for a living. Could I do that? Could I transform these blog posts into something truly helpful? We shall see, but for now, here's a start—a little story from your colleague/therapist/future therapist.

My Journey: From Theater to Therapy

I graduated from college with a degree in theatre, education, and no job. College had been a profound time of self-exploration, but afterward, I found myself working at a bar in my small hometown. It quickly became clear that I needed to figure out my next step sooner rather than later.

When the call came asking if I wanted to share a house in New York City with two guys I knew and one I didn't, I jumped at the opportunity. My parents are pretty amazing—thinking back on it years later, I realize they didn't have to support that decision, but they did!

Living in Brooklyn was a dream come true! I worked hard, took acting classes, and performed in a few plays. The most important lesson I learned is that while I am independent, I have always had help. I've had the privilege of growing up in a safe town with enough food to eat and a loving family.

Despite struggling in school, with writing, and with communication, I found my path. I wrote my first monologue, then a short one-woman show, and eventually performed with a dance theatre troupe. I wouldn't trade these experiences for any other path.

Embracing the Journey—Mistakes and All

Recently, my child asked what mistake I would change if I could. Honestly, I couldn't settle on just one. Sure, I wish I hadn't hurt people (even inadvertently). I wish I had stood up for folks who faced discrimination in my hometown.

But when I take inventory of my life, there isn't a huge choice I regret enough to change. Why am I sharing this "accept everything happens for a reason" message today? I believe my own therapy has helped me embrace this truth (most days). Therapy continues to help me come to terms with this fact of life: every mistake, every moment, is an opportunity to learn.

My Approach to Therapy

When you work with me, you'll find that I tackle your challenges with the same philosophy I apply to my own life. We're here to learn and to be in relationships. I believe there is inherent good in all of us.

Though I didn't become an actor, I can help you process emotions, the deep work actors engage in daily. I especially enjoy helping people in transition and can also support folks with parenting challenges. (Check out my last blog about expressive arts if you haven't already!)

Let's Connect

I'm available for sessions most days in person and online.

Whether you need individual therapy, a group session, or a day-long workshop for your workplace, I'd love to help. While I don't see couples, I can provide additional support for individuals engaged in couples therapy.

Let's try to find some time to connect or reconnect soon.

Thanks for reading!

Warmly,
Bridget

Pacific Healing and Creating Calm

Swimming in the Pacific: Finding Passion in Midlife

The Pacific Ocean has risen to the status of passion for me. This interest began about eleven (updating this blog in 2025) years ago. It took me considerable effort to return to a regular workout routine "post-baby." Our child might have been 6 by then, but who's counting? Reconnecting to the long-ago athlete I knew lived somewhere deep inside me was quite a journey.

I've never written about being an active, athletic person in this blog before. I'm not trying to be your personal trainer—I'm a counselor/therapist and soon-to-be certified Person-Centered Expressive Arts Facilitator. But I do believe deeply in the mind-body connection, and all the ideas I share here support this personal truth: when we tap into both our minds and bodies, we heal what has troubled us and work toward a deeper understanding of ourselves.

The Power of Expressive Arts and Physical Challenge

I recently completed my fourth week of intensive training toward a certificate in Person-Centered Expressive Arts, and I feel more empowered than ever to share this aspect of how I stay motivated in life. A few weeks before heading back to this training, I swam through the San Francisco Bay—under the Golden Gate Bridge, to be exact.

I've come to realize that finding a passion in "mid-life" is vital to mental health and well-being. If you're familiar with Erik Erikson's theory of psychosocial development, you'll know that those of us on the other side of forty are in the midst of his 7th stage: generativity versus stagnation.

Let's not stagnate!

I love this stage deeply because it's very existential. One of my primary orientations in working with clients is humanistic existentialism. I find my passion for life in many places, and weekly exercise is certainly one of them. Can you relate? I'd love to hear your story too!

Finding Your Motivation

Do you need a goal or event to keep you motivated? Or perhaps an "accountability partner"? I have clients who make working out a regular part of life by involving friends or even their children.

I imagine that for you, like for me at times, it hasn't been an easy road to ignite passion for life (including exercise). It can feel like an uphill battle. Research clearly shows that exercise is intrinsically related to mental health (Source). If we know this is true, then why do so many of us struggle to stick with an exercise regimen?

For me personally, it comes back to passion. I have a passion for water, a passion for being active, and a renewed passion for art!

My Connection to Water

I was immersed in water from six weeks of age. Water is part of who I am. When surrounded by it, I feel at home. Whether it's chlorine in a pool or salt in the ocean, water calms me.

You can let so much go when you're at the beach! Even just dipping your toes in our cold Pacific Ocean might be healing for you. The warm air and cool water of the Pacific free me from my worries.

My recent adventure swimming under the Golden Gate Bridge brought twinges of anxiety. I met new people and had to ask for support—someone to have that towel ready! I trained alone because I haven't found many people who want to join me (weird, right?). Still, I reach out to those who work out regularly and find support there.

Your Next Adventure

I'm not suggesting you need to swim under the Golden Gate Bridge, but what is your next adventure? What are your physical health goals? How about your mental health goals?

Create your own experiment: note how you feel now, then see how you feel after four weeks of moderate exercise four to five times per week. It doesn't take as much time or effort as you might think, especially if you have some background in committed exercise or activity. Even parking at the back of the grocery store parking lot counts!

If you have no history of working out, call me for an appointment. We can discuss your goals around fitness and mental health together.

Resources for Inspiration:

• https://www.sarahempowers.com

• Kim Chambers' inspiring story, kimswims.com

• https://www.ponysweataerobics.com

Neuroscience talk by Francine Lapides, LMFT

Working Implicitly in Psychotherapy: Neuroscience Insights from Francine Lapides

On November 13th, 2015, SCV-CAMFT (a group of Bay Area therapists) gathered for a wonderful lunch and an exceptionally thoughtful presentation by Francine Lapides, LMFT. If you're just learning about Ms. Lapides, as I was in November, I highly recommend seeking out training with her—or perhaps therapy if you're in the Santa Cruz area. She has an upcoming training group in the new year focused on psychoneurology, designed to help therapists deeply explore how understanding the brain can enhance therapeutic practice. I am updating this blog in 2025.

One might call Francine our local Dan Siegel. She has studied with him for years and has been part of Allan Schore's Berkeley study group. A licensed MFT since 1974, she's a decades-long member of SCV-CAMFT and maintains a private practice in San Jose and Santa Cruz, California.

The Neuroscience of Early Development

In her presentation, "Working Implicitly in Psychotherapy: What Decades of Neuroscience Study Has Taught Me About Being a Psychotherapist," Ms. Lapides began by reminding us that infants are primarily right-brained, with this right brain development continuing through the first two to three years of life. Attachment templates are stored in the right brain—a critical insight that leads to an important takeaway: to heal trauma, we must address both unconscious and conscious areas of the brain.

As therapists, we witness firsthand how early traumas shape a person. Some traumas foster resiliency while others leave us more rigid. Francine guided us through fundamental neuroscience concepts during the first portion of her talk. This segment served as our "infancy" in neuroscience (for those without prior knowledge), and even for those familiar with the subject, her presentation offered an excellent review.

She shared Winnicott's profound quote: "There is no such thing as a baby... if you set out to describe a baby, you will find you are describing a baby and someone" (Winnicott, 1947). This highlights how the relationship heals because we are inherently relational beings. We can help our clients make meaning of early trauma, and this healing—rooted in the physiology of neuroscience—is more effective when approached from the bottom up (from body to head).

The limbic system and attachment theory dominated her discussion. As stated in Mrs. Lapides' slides: "Early life experiences create potent affective 'knowing' in implicit, non-verbal, unconscious memory which underlie and have a profound influence on personality, dominate mood, symptoms and relationships throughout life."

Experiential Learning in Action

As we transitioned to the second section of the talk, Mrs. Lapides invited someone to come to the front of the room and summarize what they had just learned about neuroscience. The room fell silent. We all sat as though glued to our seats. She allowed the perfect amount of silence to unfold before joking that she was merely getting our heart rates up so we could feel our prefrontal cortex at work.

As many therapists know, the prefrontal cortex helps regulate emotion. Francine's "experiment" was perfectly orchestrated as a process experiential learning exercise. We had absorbed the basics of neuroscience, were asked to present it publicly, and then—upon discovering we didn't actually have to—experienced the process of re-regulation.

This mirrors the therapeutic process where, week after week, we invite our clients to talk, draw, or move through their trauma. They might initially decline, but as the relationship and trust grows, we can begin to help them heal. This ability to manage activation helps clients access their unconscious beliefs.

Implicit Relational Schemas

There are, as Francine shared, "implicit relational schemas" or unconscious beliefs that all of us hold. For example, we may unconsciously believe that, "If I try to perform and fail, people will think less of me." These are precisely the thoughts and feelings we aim to address in therapy.

The question of how this can be done while integrating neuroscience will be explored in the intensive study group Francine will offer. She'll address clinical skills including: "trusting your intuition, somatic transference, intimacy and self-disclosure, rupture and repair," and much more. I wish I lived closer to Santa Cruz! This group will undoubtedly be valuable.

Right-Brain Approaches to Therapy

Francine noted, "While the overwhelming bias in western psychotherapy has been a top-down, primarily left-brain model of conscious and verbal attempts at change, neuroscience is increasingly confirming that we must work in this right-brain, unconscious, body-based arena as well."

When discussing the "bottom-up" approach to working with clients, she mentioned poetry because of its right-brain connection. She highlighted prosody—"the patterns of rhythm and sound used in poetry" according to Webster's online dictionary. Using poetry or other right-brain activities with our clients can help them access and heal their trauma.

I found the interventions Francine offered at the end of her talk particularly helpful. Instead of asking left-brained questions, we can shift statements to create more of a right-brain experience:

• Instead of: "Your father's anger was uncontrolled and made you feel unsafe"
  Try: "When your father exploded in rage, you felt terrified and small."

• Instead of: "It will be important for you to know I'm here"
  Try: "Can you look at me, can you feel me here with you?"

If you attended the luncheon, you heard Francine's calm, seasoned voice. It was healing in a room of almost 100 colleagues. I hope you get a sense of her approach from this description.

For more information: www.francinelapides.com

And in case you are not familiar, this is Dan’s website:

https://drdansiegel.com/

Three Talks

I am excited to offer you these three talks via the links below.  I love speaking on positive discipline, parenting and how therapy can support this process.  I hope this will give you a sense of what I can offer.  There are many experiential exercises I lead that will support your parenting!  I can come speak at your work place, play group or church.  Please reach out and hear about the exciting new groups I will offer in the new year!  Please reach out with questions and comments at bridget@bridgetbertrand.com 

Managing BIG  emotions the power point

Managing BIG emotions handout

Discipline 101 the power point

Discipline 101 the handout

Mindful Parenting the power point

Mindful Parenting the handout

and last but not least "the mistaken goal chart" a great parenting tool!